 Stuart and I have grown up together. I was 24 when we got married (when I think of it now, I sort of can't believe it). Our oldest daughter is 23 now. I look at her and think, she is so young. Back then I had a lot of "shoulds" about what married life was supposed to be like. I was supposed to drink coffee. I was supposed to know how to cook, and I had lots of other antiquated beliefs about traditional roles. In fact I was a free spirited artist. I did take on some of these roles, and did learn to like coffee-but appreciated the hard work that my mother's generation did for us so that we could wear pants and have careers and make choices that they didn't have. I was a "Free to Be You and Me" kid.  Stuart, my husband, grew up in a family that was more traditional, role-wise. He is a baby boomer, through and through. He grew up with parents that drank martinis (ala Mad Men), in fact his dad was just like Don Draper, an ad guy that drank martinis at lunch. His mom played cards with the gals and took
care of the kids. Our generation has its own ideas about marriage and raising children and we have had to sort through what it means for men and women to take on different roles-and the confusion that ensues because of it. Money, housework, not calling dad "the babysitter" when he spends time with the kids. Looking back, now I think how did we manage to sort through all of that confusion? I wanted to stay home to raise the children when they were little, but I wasn't satisfied because I wanted to be working, and Stuart was envious because he wanted to spend the kind of time with the children that I was. It was because of the shift in thinking at the time that even allowed us to have those thoughts. Now, Mabel (above) is our only child at home. We're both her mother, but he's the Alpha. I am the the one she comes to for love, he is the fun one and the daily walker, We both feed her. It works. We're expecting another puppy in a month. One of the best things about being married is that you get a lot of do-overs. A few things go right the first time you try them. Most things, if you work at them- or simply because some things that matter fall away, and others become more important, get better over time. Comments are closed.
|
visual junkie, artist, psychotherapist
January 2020
Categories |